When It All Goes Wrong...

This week was all about divorce, remarriage and the blending together of families.

Is divorce really so bad?

It depends on the situation. In most cases, you can work through it.

One of the most important things is to ask yourself if it is hurting the kids. When it hurts the kids; it is so important that you just deal with it in the best way.

We need to be sensitive to the needs of kids in and throughout the whole process and remain a family no matter what.



Triangulation- detour is when during a divorce you converse about one another to your children. This in general is not a good idea; you never want to involve your children  in your marital woes.


When both parents are fighting children lose valuable resources. It is impossible for them to please both parents and they feel very torn.

At times they will even use their children to fight. Tell your father this.....









The worst is that most children tend to blame themselves.
They feel like if they could have done something to change the circumstances their is a song by the artist Pink that applies to this. The song is called family portrait and i think this line perfectly illustrates the child blaming them self: Can we work it out? Can we be a family? 
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything 
Can we work it out? Can we be a family? 
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave .
This shows how important it is to reassure the child that it is in no way their fault.

It is also hard for kids because they never get both parents at once and tend to lean more towards a certain parent. Their access to both has greatly decreased.

Boys tend to do worse in divorce, why would that be? I believe that is because as boys they are taught to be tough and crying is seen as a weakness whereas with girls it is okay for them to cry and they are supposed to show emotion.

In all, i think it is very hard when it comes to deciding to divorce and i think that we need to try all we can to make sure that we don't just let go and divorce. We need to work and fight for that relationship.




                                                                Which do we want?

Today's Parent

This week in class we talked about parenting!

Many of the things that we learned this week were things that i have learnt in a different class this semester. My parenting class! I have loved that class and i loved this week.

How can we be the best parent?
This is the question i ask myself. I am always worried about being a future parent and how it will affect my kids.
The main thing i have learned is how important unconditional love is.

Unconditional love is something that every person should receive. You accept someone for all that they are, all their flaws all their mistakes and your love never goes away.

This is something i have had the privilege of receiving from my parents. They were so loving and never have looked at me differently for anything that i have done. I am so grateful for them.

 I couldn't ask for better parents and a better idea of what kind of a parent i want to be in the future. The kind of parent that at the end of the day no matter what mistakes they have made, they can say that they tried their best and loved their child with everything that they had. Those are my parents and that is how i want to be.




Both of my older siblings are married and have children. My oldest sister Melissa, and her husband Voyle were married when i was 5 years old, so i've grown up having them as second parents to me and my younger sister. They have helped guide us and lead us in good directions. I am so grateful for them. They are actually the ones who gave me the idea to come to school and BYU- Idaho, and i am so lucky to have them on my team :) They are wonderful parents to their 3 kids, who i love to death. I want to take into practice how much they listen to their kids. They are so good and sitting down and listening to their kids days. I want to have the kind of relationship with children that they do with theirs.

My other sister, Amelia and her husband Terence are new parents to their daughter, Bridget. It has been fun  watching them learn how to parent. It has been really inspiring. They work together so well and are so kind and loving to their girl. I hope that when i am a first time parent i will have their patience and love towards each other and their child. Their example has meant quite a bit to me.

 I know, that parenting will be no easy task and i am gateful for all the many examples i have to follow. If i am even half the parent that they all are, i will be doing all right.

I love talking about families and i am so happy that this will be my future career. Much love! <3

Daddy Dearest

This week was talking about fathers. i really enjoyed it.






















My father has always been such a big influence in my life and i am so grateful for that. From a young age i was attached to him. My other siblings all look more like my Mom and i look like my Dad, and i always clung to that idea.

 With me and my Dad it has always been the everyday stuff that has meant the most, we have really good conversations and i just really enjoy being around him. He is someone i look up too and admire, in so many ways.

 Father's have such a big influence in the lives of their daughters. I know many people who have been less fortunate in the area of their father, and i know that i am only half the woman i am today, because of my dad.

 This week, i want to thank my Dad for all he has done for me. He is one of my Hero's, i love him dearly. There are no words to express how grateful i am for him and how much i love him. I hope to one day marry a man that is as good of a dad as he has been too me.

We ( my dad and i) already have a wedding song picked out . I loved her first by heartland, and i think the words are perfect for our relationship. love you forever dad. <3

This week we specifically talked about Mother's and Fathers and their roles in the home. I think it is important to mention that they work as a team and are best able to help children in that way.
 I also want to thank my Mother. She is such an angel in every way; she truly makes me want to be a better person. I love her so much and i hope to be even half the mother she has been.

Without the influence of both parents, i think that the family is not whole, I also know that giving up work to bear and rear children is not swapping your mind for a mop. I believe that you need to be educated in order to educate children. This week i learned a lot about myself and how i want my future family to be, and how i want to be in my future family.

I hope this blog has inspired you to think about what you want! :)

That's all for now, Untill, next week!!

How Important Is Communication?

Is communication important in relationships? This week we answered this question.  

If anyone has not heard of or seen the "Love Lab" Videos i highly recommend you go find them, they have changed my opinion greatly. These videos consist of a Doctor who talks to couples about the major "problems" in their marriages. The one that i viewed talked all about the couples finical struggles and how they didn't really listen to each other. It was very insightful

When it comes to communication  i always thought it was something simple and it's just easy. You just talk, that is how you communicate. But when i came to school here i soon realized that we communicate in subtle ways without noticing. I think that communication needs to be a conscious effort on both parties involved. If you care about someone i think that you should and would do everything you can to communicate with them.

We also read a talk by Elder Ballard that i think brought up some good points here is the link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1993/10/strength-in-counsel?lang=eng 

I will just touch on my favourite parts of the talk.

What he mostly talked about was that the best way to get things done is to counsel together with people and work through issues through talking. This is what we do a lot in the church and i think that when we apply these things to our families, they are only strengthened.

All in all without communicating we wouldn't  get anywhere. So do your best to accurately communicate your true feelings to those you care about. :)

 

When Crisis Hits.

This week in class we have been talking all about Crisis's in the family and how it affects everyone.
What could be seen as the most severe family crisis?

That could be a hard question to answer; every family is different and every experience affects those people in different ways. But there is a list. Here is the top 5
:1) Death of a Child
 2) Death of a spouse/parent 3) Separation of spouse/parent
 4) Physical or sexual violence between family members
 5) family members become physically or chronically ill

These factors would without a doubt affect the family. The family is such a precious thing and i think it is horrible when any of these things happen to any people. But people are able to get through them and you become a stronger family unit than you ever were. I know that crisis is a hard thing to handle; you feel as though your world is falling apart and i can't imagine on top of that having to take care of kids.

My own family hasn't had to many instances where we have had a crisis but i remember a time when i was a child that my Dad was working out in the basement and he ended up dropping a bar on his head and had to go to the hospital to get checked out. I remember just seeing him leave the house all bloody and in my child mind i was afraid he would never come back. I think events like these shape who are as a family and individuals.

Although i know these experiences are no fun to go through, i think without them the family wouldn't be as strong as it possibly could be. I know that loosing a child or a spouse would be one of the hardest things to ever go through, but i think ultimately through the lord their is nothing that we cannot do.

I am so grateful for may family and for our ability to rise above and challenges and i hope to do the same with my future family.

Lets Talk About Sex

Sex..... such a taboo word in this culture.

what is wrong with sex? absolutely nothing. In the right context and with the right person**

We have been taught from early ages that sex is bad and dirty... is it? Would God have given us this if it was so? No.

It is not bad, or dirty. It is a healthy expression of love and appreciation for your spouse. And that is just where it should be done. In marriage where you have that commitment and love for each other.

Now i have always thought of sex, as making love. I prefer that term so much more; because that is what it is. Your are making love with someone and getting as close to them as possible.

I know this is an awkward topic for most parents to talk about, but i wish my parents would have told me more. I found out most of the things i knew as a teenager from school.... definitely not the best place to hear that kind of information.

I am lucky enough to have older siblings and as they've gotten married they have explained many things and my Brother- in Law has been willing to talk about it. But i feel like when your parents don't it makes you feel like it is not okay, when in reality it is perfectly okay.

as the next generation i hope to be able to talk to my kids about sex so that they hear this information from a valid source, and when they have questions they will be able to and feel comfortable approaching me about them.

Marital Transitions.. can we make the change?

The week of Halloween we talked about transitioning into marriage.. This is something that i don't have direct experience in but i have seen many times.

My oldest sister got married when i was 5 years old, so from an early age i saw her married and i thought everything was good with her, but i soon would find out i was naive to think that adjustment would be easy.

I had always assumed that hey, you love each other everything will work out perfectly; but i've learned that things are not as they seem

There are SO many things that you have to adjust too. For me personally, i have three sisters... i will have to live with a boy. Who may not always put the toilet seat down and he may be dirty that will take time to adjust too.

I also think you have to adjust to being with someone of the opposite gender all the time and all of the boundaries that all the sudden break. This will take lots of talking and communicating to work through.

I took a marriage class last semester and we talked about the fact that the first year of marriage is the hardest. There are so many things that change and that you have to work through. When i first heard that i thought they were kidding, what about the honeymoon stage? Doesn't that last?

It makes sense though, you can do all you want to prepare yourself for marriage and for those changes but i feel like until you are in the situation and doing it, you can't ever be fully prepared.

One thing that i thought a lot about this week is the splitting of holidays and how our different family dynamics will apply in our new lives. There are so many traditions and things in my family that i would never want to get rid of and i think it would be hard for me to miss certain holidays with my family. But then i realized; if you truly love someone would you not do everything for them? Of course you would.
A little sacrifice here and there is what makes marriage work.

I know transitioning into marriage will not be easy but i know it will be worth it.

Gender, and How if affects us.

The definition of gender is male or female ( chromosomes)

I think gender has always been one of those subjects that can be tricky or uncomfortable to talk about. When your younger your parents hesitate to explain those things to you; for fear that it will corrupt your mind. Are they right to feel that way?
 In our world today i think when it comes to gender you as a parent needs to be the one that tells your children about those things. This world has such a twisted view on gender roles; and if you want your children to grow up with all of the facts; you need to be the person to tell them.

Gender is something that i have always been aware of; their are certain ways that males and females are perceived... guys are tough, girls are weak, for example.

Something interesting that i loved was that we talked about the fact that our sex was predetermined. I had never thought of this before and i thought it was extremely interesting. If i was a different gender how would i be? My life would be completely different. There is a reason for everything that we go through and i definitely think that we need to trust in God's plan.


What i loved about this week was that we were all able to talk so openly about a subject that can be potentially awkward. Some of the facts we learned shocked me. I was so unaware that so many people struggle with same- sex attraction. The end of this week was interesting to learn about; i feel like at times we don't realize how much people struggle until they are willing to open up and change. I think it is so important to be kind and Christlike to those who are dealing with these struggles. I have realized that you never know what an individual is dealing with and how important it is to be kind and show love.

I think it is also important to state that if you want to change having a same-sex attraction you can change it, if you are willing to put in that work. It is something that can be overcome.

I am grateful for this weeks lessons; i have learned a lot and it has changed my outlook on gender and the roles that we all play.

Our Culture Effects Us

This week we discussed a lot about cultures in families.

Are all cultures equally valid?

Family Culture influences where i go from here.

Traditions in families influence what happens in your individual future.

In my particular family tradition is extremely important. We have so much fun when we are together and i thoroughly enjoy each moment and things we do together.

However i recently found out that a long standing tradition ( that we are all together on Christmas) will be broken. My oldest sister and her family are staying at their own house for Christmas. This will be the first time ever, and to be honest it has really upset me.

I feel that this is the only down side to tradition; when you are so used to things being a certain way you have a much harder time changing them.

I guess this change in my own life is good for when i do get married; since i will have to make certain sacrifices. I definitely think that upholding traditions is important for a family, but at the same time when you have a new family of your own you should make traditions that incorporate both families.

We justify a lot of different cultures; instead of tolderate; we justify and that eventually changes our thoughts and views towards those things.

-- I apply this situation too arranged marriages. They used to be so frowned upon and now they are accepted and encouraged.

When family situations change sometimes the person knew what it was, not what it is.
You no longer see things as they have been, you see them as they were. This causes a lot of tension to the family.
How do we restructure? You have to work together as a family in love and harmony.

This week has been great and i have learned a lot! :)  I look forward to digging deeper next week.

Understanding Our Families

This week we talked about Theories and Understanding Families.

I really enjoyed everything we learned and i hope you enjoy reading what i have to say about it :)

A theory is an attempt to explain a phenomenon.

Systems Theory- Individuals influence each other in ways. Look at a family as a system. How they influence each other.
Your birth order and influence helps what you do. Good or Bad.
We're all born into a changing system. Every system needs someone to play a specific role.
- Rules.
-- Learn the rules by violating them
-- Parents may not know the rules, until the child does something.

Exchange Theory-  costs are lower than your rewards. ( what do i get out of it? the same i put in?)
-- You withdraw

Symbolic Interaction Theory: ( what it means to you) Are behaviors have meaning. We create meaning out of experiences. Biggest problem is communication. The behavior changes, depending on how they react to it.
-- Interaction- action that happens between two people.

Conflict Theory: Conflicting doesn't mean you don't like a person; you simply just don't agree.
-Power can be overt
-All families find ways to fix conflict.

Do all things out of love. <3

- Systems theory helps people have a new experience. We can and we should use all theories together. **

Digging Deeper Into Families

This was our first week of class, i learned a lot about families. This week we talked a lot about societal trends in families.

I am so excited that i will get to blog about all that i have learned for this class! :)

-passion allows you to attain deeper learning.

how do you affect your family? we talked a lot about how our families are and how we impact them.

Here are some stats we learned this week that i found to be very interesting:

- Premarital sex has increased
- Unwed Mothers has increased
- 40% of kids are born out of wedlock ( 70% for African- American Families)
- Birth rates are decreasing ( not having kids)
- Divorce rates are increased
- 75% of Americans have never been divorced


* All divorce spikes influence each other.

we talked about which of these statistics are significant, interesting or incidental.

The significant ones are: PreMarital Sex, Unwed Mothers, Birth Rates, Divorce
The interesting ones are Marriage age has increased
None of the above are incidental.

As you can see this week we learned a lot about things that are very significant to our society. They are all things that we should be educated about and aware of.

I am excited to continue to learn about the family and how i can help change and influence it for the better.

Family Life

My Family means the world to me, they are so influential and important to my everyday life. I love them to pieces. When i think about the fact that i have grown up in such a wonderful and loving family, i can't help but feel so blessed.  :)