Realizing You Want a Family.

I have always been the type who loves families. My family has always been the most important thing to me. I live for the memories and the moments that we share; but up until recently i couldn't imagine a family of my own.

I have noticed myself lately becoming more and more aware of the children and families around me. Everytime i see a kid i can't help but freak out. I am the happiest i have ever felt in my life and i feel like i am ready for a family.

Growing up in the Mormon culture i never wanted to be one of "those people" that married young. But my mind has been changed. Maybe because i have the perfect guy ;) or because i now feel those yearnings.

I can see myself being a Wife and Mother and that doesn't scare me anymore; it excites me.

Recently  i realized that i am in the wrong place. I am not in the right field of schooling and i will be heading home at the end of next month. This decision was hard and scary but i know it is the right one. I haven't been happy in that area for awhile; but now in my personal life i am the happiest i have ever been. Maybe because i am in the best relationship i have ever had, with my best friend.

But at the same time at any time this could all come crashing down and i may not be anywhere near wifehood or motherhood and that is okay; but i now know that i can do it and i am ready.

I used to have one big fear that i would get my heart broken again. ( The first one was awful) But with this one it was a risk i was willing to take and i don't regret it for a second.

If how happy i am now is even a little bit of what my future will be like; i never want to complain again. Love is an interesting thing. I am ridiculously and unreasonably happy ALL the time. I find beauty in things i normally wouldn't. It truly does change your life.

At the end of the day i am proud of myself for how much i have grown. I am 20 years old. Still young; but i feel prepared for what the future has in store for me.

To anyone unsure that they will ever find love again, or if you are lonely. I promise you it will all work out how it is supposed to. Be patient and work on yourself; It will all be okay. <3

When It All Goes Wrong...

This week was all about divorce, remarriage and the blending together of families.

Is divorce really so bad?

It depends on the situation. In most cases, you can work through it.

One of the most important things is to ask yourself if it is hurting the kids. When it hurts the kids; it is so important that you just deal with it in the best way.

We need to be sensitive to the needs of kids in and throughout the whole process and remain a family no matter what.



Triangulation- detour is when during a divorce you converse about one another to your children. This in general is not a good idea; you never want to involve your children  in your marital woes.


When both parents are fighting children lose valuable resources. It is impossible for them to please both parents and they feel very torn.

At times they will even use their children to fight. Tell your father this.....









The worst is that most children tend to blame themselves.
They feel like if they could have done something to change the circumstances their is a song by the artist Pink that applies to this. The song is called family portrait and i think this line perfectly illustrates the child blaming them self: Can we work it out? Can we be a family? 
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything 
Can we work it out? Can we be a family? 
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave .
This shows how important it is to reassure the child that it is in no way their fault.

It is also hard for kids because they never get both parents at once and tend to lean more towards a certain parent. Their access to both has greatly decreased.

Boys tend to do worse in divorce, why would that be? I believe that is because as boys they are taught to be tough and crying is seen as a weakness whereas with girls it is okay for them to cry and they are supposed to show emotion.

In all, i think it is very hard when it comes to deciding to divorce and i think that we need to try all we can to make sure that we don't just let go and divorce. We need to work and fight for that relationship.




                                                                Which do we want?

Today's Parent

This week in class we talked about parenting!

Many of the things that we learned this week were things that i have learnt in a different class this semester. My parenting class! I have loved that class and i loved this week.

How can we be the best parent?
This is the question i ask myself. I am always worried about being a future parent and how it will affect my kids.
The main thing i have learned is how important unconditional love is.

Unconditional love is something that every person should receive. You accept someone for all that they are, all their flaws all their mistakes and your love never goes away.

This is something i have had the privilege of receiving from my parents. They were so loving and never have looked at me differently for anything that i have done. I am so grateful for them.

 I couldn't ask for better parents and a better idea of what kind of a parent i want to be in the future. The kind of parent that at the end of the day no matter what mistakes they have made, they can say that they tried their best and loved their child with everything that they had. Those are my parents and that is how i want to be.




Both of my older siblings are married and have children. My oldest sister Melissa, and her husband Voyle were married when i was 5 years old, so i've grown up having them as second parents to me and my younger sister. They have helped guide us and lead us in good directions. I am so grateful for them. They are actually the ones who gave me the idea to come to school and BYU- Idaho, and i am so lucky to have them on my team :) They are wonderful parents to their 3 kids, who i love to death. I want to take into practice how much they listen to their kids. They are so good and sitting down and listening to their kids days. I want to have the kind of relationship with children that they do with theirs.

My other sister, Amelia and her husband Terence are new parents to their daughter, Bridget. It has been fun  watching them learn how to parent. It has been really inspiring. They work together so well and are so kind and loving to their girl. I hope that when i am a first time parent i will have their patience and love towards each other and their child. Their example has meant quite a bit to me.

 I know, that parenting will be no easy task and i am gateful for all the many examples i have to follow. If i am even half the parent that they all are, i will be doing all right.

I love talking about families and i am so happy that this will be my future career. Much love! <3

Daddy Dearest

This week was talking about fathers. i really enjoyed it.






















My father has always been such a big influence in my life and i am so grateful for that. From a young age i was attached to him. My other siblings all look more like my Mom and i look like my Dad, and i always clung to that idea.

 With me and my Dad it has always been the everyday stuff that has meant the most, we have really good conversations and i just really enjoy being around him. He is someone i look up too and admire, in so many ways.

 Father's have such a big influence in the lives of their daughters. I know many people who have been less fortunate in the area of their father, and i know that i am only half the woman i am today, because of my dad.

 This week, i want to thank my Dad for all he has done for me. He is one of my Hero's, i love him dearly. There are no words to express how grateful i am for him and how much i love him. I hope to one day marry a man that is as good of a dad as he has been too me.

We ( my dad and i) already have a wedding song picked out . I loved her first by heartland, and i think the words are perfect for our relationship. love you forever dad. <3

This week we specifically talked about Mother's and Fathers and their roles in the home. I think it is important to mention that they work as a team and are best able to help children in that way.
 I also want to thank my Mother. She is such an angel in every way; she truly makes me want to be a better person. I love her so much and i hope to be even half the mother she has been.

Without the influence of both parents, i think that the family is not whole, I also know that giving up work to bear and rear children is not swapping your mind for a mop. I believe that you need to be educated in order to educate children. This week i learned a lot about myself and how i want my future family to be, and how i want to be in my future family.

I hope this blog has inspired you to think about what you want! :)

That's all for now, Untill, next week!!

How Important Is Communication?

Is communication important in relationships? This week we answered this question.  

If anyone has not heard of or seen the "Love Lab" Videos i highly recommend you go find them, they have changed my opinion greatly. These videos consist of a Doctor who talks to couples about the major "problems" in their marriages. The one that i viewed talked all about the couples finical struggles and how they didn't really listen to each other. It was very insightful

When it comes to communication  i always thought it was something simple and it's just easy. You just talk, that is how you communicate. But when i came to school here i soon realized that we communicate in subtle ways without noticing. I think that communication needs to be a conscious effort on both parties involved. If you care about someone i think that you should and would do everything you can to communicate with them.

We also read a talk by Elder Ballard that i think brought up some good points here is the link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1993/10/strength-in-counsel?lang=eng 

I will just touch on my favourite parts of the talk.

What he mostly talked about was that the best way to get things done is to counsel together with people and work through issues through talking. This is what we do a lot in the church and i think that when we apply these things to our families, they are only strengthened.

All in all without communicating we wouldn't  get anywhere. So do your best to accurately communicate your true feelings to those you care about. :)

 

When Crisis Hits.

This week in class we have been talking all about Crisis's in the family and how it affects everyone.
What could be seen as the most severe family crisis?

That could be a hard question to answer; every family is different and every experience affects those people in different ways. But there is a list. Here is the top 5
:1) Death of a Child
 2) Death of a spouse/parent 3) Separation of spouse/parent
 4) Physical or sexual violence between family members
 5) family members become physically or chronically ill

These factors would without a doubt affect the family. The family is such a precious thing and i think it is horrible when any of these things happen to any people. But people are able to get through them and you become a stronger family unit than you ever were. I know that crisis is a hard thing to handle; you feel as though your world is falling apart and i can't imagine on top of that having to take care of kids.

My own family hasn't had to many instances where we have had a crisis but i remember a time when i was a child that my Dad was working out in the basement and he ended up dropping a bar on his head and had to go to the hospital to get checked out. I remember just seeing him leave the house all bloody and in my child mind i was afraid he would never come back. I think events like these shape who are as a family and individuals.

Although i know these experiences are no fun to go through, i think without them the family wouldn't be as strong as it possibly could be. I know that loosing a child or a spouse would be one of the hardest things to ever go through, but i think ultimately through the lord their is nothing that we cannot do.

I am so grateful for may family and for our ability to rise above and challenges and i hope to do the same with my future family.

Lets Talk About Sex

Sex..... such a taboo word in this culture.

what is wrong with sex? absolutely nothing. In the right context and with the right person**

We have been taught from early ages that sex is bad and dirty... is it? Would God have given us this if it was so? No.

It is not bad, or dirty. It is a healthy expression of love and appreciation for your spouse. And that is just where it should be done. In marriage where you have that commitment and love for each other.

Now i have always thought of sex, as making love. I prefer that term so much more; because that is what it is. Your are making love with someone and getting as close to them as possible.

I know this is an awkward topic for most parents to talk about, but i wish my parents would have told me more. I found out most of the things i knew as a teenager from school.... definitely not the best place to hear that kind of information.

I am lucky enough to have older siblings and as they've gotten married they have explained many things and my Brother- in Law has been willing to talk about it. But i feel like when your parents don't it makes you feel like it is not okay, when in reality it is perfectly okay.

as the next generation i hope to be able to talk to my kids about sex so that they hear this information from a valid source, and when they have questions they will be able to and feel comfortable approaching me about them.