The problem with a blog is i always feel like what i write needs to sound good or be positive but that is definitely not how i feel lately. I recently was put on a higher dose of my anti-depressants and at first it was really good and i felt super happy and even had quite a bit of energy. But this last week has been dreadful. It reminds me of how i felt before i had a diagnosis.
It's like a darkness comes over you, and you just feel sad. I can feel it in the muscles in my face, they just want to stay down. I know it sounds weird and it's difficult to understand, but trust me living it is worse.
I feel like if i say anything no one will understand and i don't want to burden anyone with more of my problems. It is such a catch 22, i feel so lonely and i need people but it's impossible to understand if you haven't experienced it and it honestly gets so exhausting always trying to explain knowing it won't make any sense.
I really hope that it's just this week and that it will change soon. I hate this feeling, i go to sleep with it and wake up feeling the exact same if not, worse.
Depression and anxiety is the hardest thing. You have two things that just feed each other. I'm sad and lonely yet i get anxious about involving anyone else and how long this will last, and just a million questions.
It's hard to remember how much progress you've made in times like this, you feel like nothing has changed and that you're hopeless. Sometimes i don't even try and fight it, because you get so exhausted i even get physically sick with worry. I don't want it to last long.
Tomorrow will be better. Take it one day at a time.
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